The Stitch & Bitch Saga

In 2008 I went to The Farm Midwifery Centre in Summertown, Tennessee for a Midwifery Workshop organised by Dr Sara Wickham. It was a week I had long been waiting for. I'd met Ina May Gaskin, the most prominent of The Farm Midwives, a few times, seen her speak, got a photo with her. Now I would finally get to see where she and her midwife colleagues lived. As a student I spoke about The Farm Midwives a lot. I quoted their low caesarean section rate and spoke about what I read in Ina May Gaskin's Books about how they supported birth physiology. It's how I wanted to learn to midwife for sure! There had to be some magic sauce there somewhere! Despite supporting twin and breech births, their caesarean section rate was below 2%. At the time I thought ours was high as it was hovering around the mid 30% mark. I remember one of my fellow students telling me that this was La-La Land. She thought it was totally unrealistic to expect it to be transferrable. I didn't believe that, so I wanted to go and see for myself.

I got to stay in the little wooden house right next to the Farm Midwives' clinic.There were midwives from all over England there. And I was going to get to meet Ina May, all The Farm Midwives, an Amish midwife and we had Sara Wickham there teaching us, hanging out with us and celebrating with us at the end of the week! Can you see me there with my Lego Hair looking chuffed with myself?

It was magical. 

One of the days Sara Wickham invited us to share stories in a patchwork circle. If you have been following Sara Wickham for a while, you know that Sara is a keen crafter. Her annual Etsy shop with her signature tiny birth purses and velvet vaginas has just opened again. Dr Sara Wickham's patchwork is as exquisite and meticulous as her exploration of any childbirth topic she touches.

Sara guided us through making little patchwork pot holders. Each woman had been asked to bring a bit of fabric that meant something to her. We all shared the story of the fabric and then we shared bits of our fabric with everyone else. Our patchwork would forever connect us. The activity lasted a few hours as we all took turns telling our stories. Most of the stories involved birth. All of us were midwives and some of us were mothers. Regardless of whether you have ever given birth yourself, we all have a birth story to tell because we have all been born. And that is what one of the women did. She told the story of her own birth and she brought the night dress her mother wore during her labour as the fabric she wanted to share with us. It felt so intimate and special to be given this and sometimes I wonder if she's regretted cutting her mother's nightdress. Or does she love the thought that she shared it in such a special place, pieces of fabric and memories scattered all across the British Isles and further?

This gathering was immensely nurturing. I felt connected to the women around me, to all the mothers I had served so far, to my own mother, to my daughter and to all the families I would serve in the future. I felt like a novice midwife being mentored by her elders. Maybe it was the space we were in. Sitting in the shade just next to the very midwives’ clinic where ‘Spiritual Midwifery’, one of the most iconic texts about birth, had been conceived left me with a desire to bring this feeling home.

It took me almost a year of sitting with the idea and eventually I organised a venue and crafted some flyers.  I personally loved my flyers, a lot of love and care had gone into their creation. I couldn't possibly have known that they were going to bring a huge pile of dung to my door. The feeling of deep connectedness that I had hoped to bring home hadn't manifested here at all. It was the polar opposite. It was rejection and alienation. Worse, still, the establishment were gunning for me. They hated my flyers and they were prepared to go for my registration or at least teach me a lesson. No elders, no guidance. You are to know your place and you do not dare to pop your head above the crowd. 

Here’s my flyer:

Maybe you can spot where I went wrong? It was an innocent mistake, I promise. But ONE trespass against what The Profession meant to two senior midwives and all hell broke loose. My flyers had been spotted in one of the hospitals. I remember the aftermath of putting them up very well. It was such a mess! I had just moved house and we hadn’t got the internet running yet so all communication went via my friend’s email account in work. Here’s the email that was sent to my poor friend (and cc’d to every single supervisor of midwives in that trust): 

Aha, so, my first mistake:

My venue was provided for free by one of the unions with the caveat that I put their logo on my flyers. I didn’t see the problem, I was too naive and I was still operating under the assumption that we were all in it for the women; that we were accepting of people’s choices and that all the individuals and all the organisations held the same space together. But nope, not the case! I was marching under the wrong banner for starters. You don't join a union, you enrol with your Royal College and if you don't, you keep it under your hat.

And then there was the issue of the word 'bitch'. To this day I have found it odd that it was found to ‘emasculate’ the midwifery profession. The term ‘emasculate’ stems from a latin word meaning ‘to castrate’, only its secondary meaning is 'to degrade or disempower a person, a group of people or a profession'. I can't overlook the fact that the roots of the word clearly refer to injuring a male. In a world where midwifery, The Profession, almost exclusively operates in the masculine realm of obstetrics, it is no surprise to me that this midwife chose this word to describe that she felt my flyers harmed The Profession as a whole. In ways I respected what this midwife was prepared to do in order to stand up for her values. And I can see the danger of The Profession losing regard and respect by being associated with a ‘Stitch & Bitch’ gathering. The bigger question is why that would happen in the first place.

Is it because midwives are having to adapt practices associated with the masculine like measuring, charting and calculating and let go (or at least pretend to let go) of practices associated with the feminine like listening, sensing and story telling in order to be accepted in the medical realm?

Or is it because there is a connection between midwifery and the word 'gossip' (which is quite close in meaning to the verb 'to bitch'). Gossips attended births alongside midwives back in the 1600s. They were usually friends who offered support to the woman much like a doula does today. While gossips were not recognised back then, midwives held a licence that was issued by clergy. The list of expected behaviour from the midwife did not relate to 'skill' but mostly to character and expected societal norms. Regardless of what I think of modern midwifery attitudes and regulated midwifery care, I can see how there had to be a shift towards recognising midwives as practitioners who are skilled in supporting women through birth rather than women who just knew how do behave in a way that was acceptable to the bishop. And maybe for midwives to continue to be taken seriously by medical colleagues they could not be seen to 'Stitch & Bitch'. 

Isn't it interesting, too, that in 2009 midwives were 'working harder than ever'? Midwives are still working harder than ever every day. I'd say bring back 2009 any time!

Given what happened next, I had to be very careful about how I responded.

One of the Supervisors of Midwives cc’d the Local Supervising Authority Midwifery Officer (and every single supervisor of midwives) into an email expressing that this seemed to her as though my conduct was an issue for a formal complaint to the NMC. 

Ooops! Not good!

Luckily the Local Supervising Authority Midwifery Officer stepped up to ‘resolve the issue locally’.

By the time I found out that this was the decision they had come to, I had already phoned the NMC to seek advice and to ask what would happen if my flyers and I were indeed referred to them. 'Well', they said, 'if it is referred we'll have to investigate it'. The guy was very helpful and he told me that it would stand in my stead if I had written a letter of apology by the time they received the complaint. 

I was shocked and I felt that the whole thing could have been dealt with so differently. Your elders taking you to the side, having a conversation, explaining what's at stake, calmly and lovingly. But these midwives were prepared to have me investigated by my regulator without ever making an attempt at speaking to me personally. Instead I was being taught a lesson. And do you know what? The threat of being reported and 'struck off' hangs over midwives now more than ever. There are young midwives crying in sluices all over the UK (and probably all over the world) for lack of care from their senior colleagues. Midwives need to sleep with one eye open. Learning is brutal. I was told more than once that midwives needed a thick skin. 'On your horse!', no time to process, no time for nurturing kindness. The system produces trauma, not just in the service users, but in their staff. I always find that the way you treat students and new midwives is very similar to the way you treat the women in your care. Thank God for the angels out there. They have a lot to compensate for!

I decided to follow the advice given to me by the NMC. 

Here’s my letter addressed at Y (and cc’d to all recipients of the previous emails):

On the same day I got a phone call from the LSA Midwifery Officer to say that as far as she was concerned, this was the end of this. I explained that 'Stitch & Bitch' was A THING and she already knew. She was very kind and said that though this term had been around since after World War II, it was offensive to some midwives in Northern Ireland and therefore I would be best served not to use it.  I got a letter in the post dated that same day summarising the phone call and it was all officially over. 

Our first gathering did happen (and many more after that). First point on the agenda? Change of name. I had invited all those offended midwives along and in order to let them see where my inspiration for the initial flyers had come from I asked my friend to bring one of her Stitch 'n Bitch pattern books with her.

She did!

'Sorry, I only have this one', she said.

I figured, it probably wouldn't help me with my cause, but none of them showed up anyhow.

This was the new flyer (nobody pulled me on the A in the circle - a subtle come back at my accusers):

The whole thing was never mentioned again, ever!

Isn’t that odd? 

Or...maybe that's just 'Professionalism'?