The End Of Summer

Summer here in Northern Ireland where I live is often confirmed by looking at the calendar rather than by looking out of the window. Those rare days when the sun just beams out of the sky seem to avoid the summer months for the most part and in my observation they are most common in May and September. 

Regardless of the weather, summer occurs between the Summer Solstice and the Fall Equinox without fail and so it did this year, too. And during the summer, come rain or shine, you do summer type things. You go to the beach and walk barefoot along the shore and if the tide is in you go swimming in the cold sea water. In the years since I've left Germany for Ireland I have learned not to notice the weather or the temperature of the water.

Just a couple of days ago I listened to an interview with Irish actress Saoirse Ronan about her new movie The Outrun and she speaks about the fact that, having grown up swimming in the ice cold waters near her family home in Ireland, the new trend  of ‘cold water swimming’ is really just ‘swimming’ to her.

That reminded me of the women I witnessed this summer in their so-called ‘wild’ pregnancies and ‘free’ births. Both of those practices are considered a trend in many circles these days and yet ultimately those women were simply pregnant and then gave birth in the same way that Saoirse Ronan has just been swimming her whole life. 

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could be socialised into birth the way Saoirse was socialised into swimming? Is it possible that the current approach of medicalising pregnancy and birth is the trend? It certainly looks like there are cracks in the foundations of modern obstetrics.

If you haven't already, listen to the conversation I had with Faye from Birthfreedomproject in my podcast episode 'Birth and Whiskey' for more insight into what pregnancy and birth can look like if we didn't get so into our heads about it.

There are many ways in which you can curate your pregnancy in a way that is meaningful for you. For my clients pregnancy usually means regular massage and movement regardless of the setting they choose and I absolutely love sharing my passion for that with the women and men who cross my path. 

So it is no coincidence that the day that marked the end of the summer of 2024 was also the day that Tara and I taught our second round of Born Through Yoga. Born Through Yoga adds movement in with classic hypnobirthing (which in essence actually is Yoga without the movement).

Teaching Yoga and birth prep with Tara is a true privilege, she understands movement and birth like I understand movement and birth and she is one of the best women’s yoga teachers out there. 

The message we share with the parents in our courses is that birth is movement. There's the obvious physical dynamic of movement between you and your baby, but there's also a timeline of moving towards your life as parents. 

How will you transition into parenthood?

Your decisions in pregnancy and birth lay the foundations for your parenting journey and Tara and I like to explore with you the fact that your decisions around conception, pregnancy, birth and postpartum exist on a continuum that reflects your deeper values. We encourage you to find out what those values are and to make your choices in line with who you are. And that could mean out of system pregnancy and birth or it could mean serial ultrasound scans and elective caesarean section. When you know how to let go of judging yourself then you can truly live into your authentic self without fear of judgement from others (also Yoga).

This is something that Gerald and I have tried to do not only as parents but in all aspects of our lives and it is what we have encouraged our daughter to do, too. It is undoubtedly why just over a week ago Lena travelled more than 6ooo miles to Peru. She hasn’t got  a ticket home yet nor any idea of when she’ll come home. She wants to be free and flexible and explore for as long as feels good (and as long as she has money).

A woman after my own heart!

6000 miles is the furthest that I have ever been away from my daughter and in the run up to her imminent departure I felt in equal measure unease and excitement. 

As those mothers around me with younger children were talking about getting their kids back to school, I was gathering items for Lena’s little travel pharmacy;  insect repellent, sun screen, charcoal, colloidal silver (which I forgot to put in), elastoplast and paracetamol. Thankfully, so far, she has only required the sun screen. 

Lena is travelling with her friend from primary school.  Over the two decades of their friendship we have become close to her parents. Mia, too, has grown up in a binational and bilingual family and knows what it’s like to grow up in a household with at least some foreign customs.

As the parents of inseparable best friends, we have marked all of our children’s milestones together and spent many, many hours celebrating not only our children’s special occasions but also each other’s. So for the trip to Dublin to leave the girls off at the airport we decided to rent a seven seater and mark the start of their trip with a memorable drive huddled together in the same car. 

I volunteered to drive given that I had been up and down that road to Dublin four times in the weeks of late August/early September to support a pregnant mama and her man. In fact I had been slightly anxious that the baby's arrival could clash with my daughter's departure but this baby chose to arrive on the only other day that I had hoped she might avoid; the day of the PJ Harvey concert. But this baby turned out to be a very considerate baby. She timed her arrival  perfectly for the wee hours of the morning.

I drove down the motorway in a storm in the middle of the night through gusts of wind. By the time I had made it to the house this couple's first baby had already landed and her story is quite spectacular overall. Maybe I can convince her parents to come on the podcast and tell you about it. 

I was in bed by midday ready to enjoy PJ Harvey open air beneath sheets of cold rain that evening. The performance was truly mesmerising. Even more so knowing that a new human had entered the world only hours ago surrounded only by love. It seemed fitting somehow to be caught up in a second storm within the space of only 24 hours. 

But back to the lift to the airport:

As the designated driver I was also the one dealing with the car hire. 

I will say at this stage that apart from the time I forgot to bring my driver’s licence to collect a van for a furniture run, anytime I ever tried to hire  a vehicle I had no issue whatsoever. After the driver’s licence incident I vowed that this was merely a blip in a timeline of otherwise successful hires and so I felt particularly smug at the car hire  as I slid my driver’s  licence, passport and hire receipt across the counter to Ben (we learned his name during the hour that followed our initial encounter). 

Ben asked me for my driver’s licence 'check code'. I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach but tried to shrug this off with a big smile, a strategy that had served me well in my younger years particularly in transactions with guys.

I fully expected Ben to shrug too and hand me my keys with a wink maybe? 

But no such luck.

He was reluctant to trust a total stranger with what turned out to be an almost brand new vehicle without the documentation now required to ensure the car. 

Go figure!

So I asked him what a licence check code was and how I could get one and this is where my somewhat disorganised state of messaging  technology and my deteriorating ability to remember passwords, bank details and pin numbers were exposed fully.

Best not to go into all the details. Suffice to say that it dawned on me there at the counter with Ben and Mia's dad that the seed for this particular situation was planted about six weeks previously when the DVLA had offered me to register my driver’s licence digitally with Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs department and I dismissed the idea with disgust. In fact I swore to myself that I would rather stick pins in my eyes than submit to the further digitalisation of my person.

Of course I can see in hindsight that this decision was a) hypocritical given that I have already volunteered a massive digital footprint to big tech and therefore the government and b) stupid because I had applied for my driver’s licence on the HMRC website where I also file my tax return so what difference does it make?

His Majesty, if he were indeed so inclined, would find everything there is to know about me at the click of a few buttons. There’s information out there that nobody ever asked of me, too (like this blog and my podcast), so this little private standoff had been entirely pointless. 

How Mia's dad and Ben persevered with me that morning as I found a way to access my HMRC account and then proceeded to link my licence there and then I will never know.

All I’ll say is that we got there in the end and that the photo the HMRC software finally accepted to confirm my identity as that of the owner of the driver’s licence would make a convincing mugshot a fact that I do find somewhat appropriate given the whole situation.

Thanks to my determination to not give up, Mia's dad's moral support and Ben's kindness and sense of humour I did get the car and the drive to Dublin airport and back was everything we could have hoped for. We laughed with our children on the way there and cried some on the way home. But mostly we reminisced about all the times we have spent together as families. 

How wonderful to be able to continue to share with these people, friends whom we've known through thick and thin. 

When we got home we were welcomed enthusiastically by our little kitten who is a little ferocious ball of fluffy fur and currently goes by the name of Dill(in) Gherkin - but that's for another time. We were tired but happy.

The updates coming from Peru sound like Lena and Mia are having the time of their lives. I suspect that they'll not be back this year. They are talking of finding some casual work in Columbia over the next few weeks.

I'll keep you updated.

As autumn is taking hold for real I am envisaging bringing to fruition the plans that I laid for the end of the year and working on making projections for 2025. My clinic at The Little Yoga House is in full swing and I am humbled by how many women are now coming back to me a second time with a new pregnancy.

Is there any better testament?

Tara and I have been breathing more and more life into our multimedia birth preparation program. Born Through Yoga is a mix between a full day workshop, a self paced online learning platform, continued support in our moderated WhatsApp groups and a monthly CalmClub on Zoom where we practice deep breathing and movement together. You can sign up to our next round here. 

For the new year Faye from Brithfreedomproject and I are planning a two day retreat in Ireland that marks the start of seven weeks of online learning  facilitated by Faye and I. Our program is called 'Walking With Women' and we are inviting all women who are want to support their friends or family members in pregnancy and birth. Women who want to love on the pregnant mamas in their circle and support them in curating their pregnancy care in a way that is meaningful to them. 

If you are interested in finding out more about Walking with Women or Born Through Yoga or if you would just like to say hi, send me an email to [email protected]